Love is (not) Blind

Have you ever fallen in love in your early ages? What is the most important thing in a relationship for you? People said that it is all about love. When there is a love, there will be a strong relationship. Well, that’s true. Just like Backstreetboys’ song. “I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me.” It does not matter what profession are you have, your origin, your physical appearance and wealth, or even social status, as long as you love each other. Nevertheless, Backstreetboys didn’t mention about “age matter”, did they? In fact, age definitely matters in having a relationship, especially a special kind of relationship between a man and a woman. Difference in ages shows different maturity in having a relationship. Proper ages will also bring up a right relationship and prevent it from any irresponsible action as the result of an immature behavior.

Imagine that you fall in love with someone with a really big age range, maybe much younger or even much older than you, not just for 3 or 5 years, but 20 or even 30. Is it possible? Well, it actually happens in our country. In August 2008, there was a controversy about the marriage of an underage girl. A Moslem Boarding School Head, Pujiono Cahyo, who is 43 years old, married a 12-year- old girl named Lutfiana Ulfa. Although he said that the marriage was carried out openly without any force from both sides, it was still considered as a wrong relationship and was being criticized as a contravention against the law of marriage and child protection. Children deserve the right to live, grow, and develop. In this case, Ulfa is not emotionally or mentally mature to face her first marriage. She even hasn’t menstruated yet. However, it is not totally impossible for those who have a big age gap to have a special relationship, as long as both of them are mature enough to do so. Unfortunately, only a few of them are successful, whereas others decided to end up their relationship just because of egocentricity, misunderstanding, and weak commitment.

Usually someone is mature enough when they are about 25 to 30 years old. They are ready to have a relationship, which is considered to be the serious one with a lifetime commitment. According to an article a book “Basta Love Life: Making Wise Decisions” by Kuya Kevin, there are several things you must look live when you are about to bring up your relationship to a marriage. First is emotional maturity, which is about how you control your selfishness, problems, or self-emotion between you and your lover, and how you keep an everlasting relationship. Second is spiritual maturity. Marriage is necessary in human’s life, as you must be responsible for any decision you have made to God. In other words, a right marriage relationship should glorify God. The third is about finance. Maybe it sounds materialistic, but just be realistic. You cannot support your family without enough money to feed them, protect them, and make a happy family. How can you bring a bright future to your children if you are not mature enough to have a daily job and salary? That is why proper ages are needed in a serious relationship.

Maturity is the ability to stick with something or certain situation until it has finished. It also happens in a relationship, as people will do whatever it takes to keep a long-lasting relation. Adults who are easily changing everything just because of boredom, such as jobs, relationship, and friends, can be called as immature. They don’t appreciate what they have owned and achieved as well. Loyalty and a strong will are recommended in building a serious relationship. You cannot only expect perfection from your mate, but you also have to accept each other imperfection. Immature adults, especially teenagers, usually do not seem to bother or think much about a serious kind of relation before marriage. There are probably more teenagers who prefer a JUST-FOR-FUN relationship. That’s why we see a lot more broken hearts than happy endings. They think of the easiest way to end their problems through ending their relationship as well. This is what I call irresponsible action as the result of an immature behavior. Maturity is also an ability to make a decision and stand by it. Keep you promise and dare to take any risks of something you have decided and aimed for.

So, if you ask me, “does age matter in a relationship?” I will give it a “yes” answer. It is clear that a big age range will definitely influence the relationship itself, because the maturity level is exactly not the same. Having a relationship is not as simple as you think. You have to be mature enough to take such a risky decision. A great life experience and a lifetime responsibility are needed, so that you won’t underestimate love as a wonderful gift from Him. As a teenager, we do not need to pursue a relationship in our young age. Just wait until the time is right. “He has made everything beautiful in its time”—Ecclesiastes 3:11a. You do not have to worry about your neediness because God provides. He always knows when we’ll be mature and ready enough to experience a right and proper relationship.